Today is Sunday, December 21, 2014

Resolutions

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Last year, when it came time to make our resolutions, Zoe proudly proclaimed "this year I'm not going to drink wine!" Her father and I were not amused but boy when she said she wasn't going to drink wine, she meant it! Not a drop of wine passed her lips. So proud of her accomplishment, just last week she asserted that in 2014 "I'm not going to smoke" and you know what, I'm thinking my kid is on to something. Something BIG! So here goes....with my 2014 Resolutions.

 

  1. In 2014, I pledge to not only not smoke but I also pledge to not do any illegal drugs, whatsoever. No marijuana, no crack, no cocaine and especially no meth.
  2. In 2014, I will not steal, not even one little thing. In fact, I'll take it one step further by promising to not commit any crime, of any kind. You heard it here first folks - I'm staying on the straight and narrow all year long.
  3. In 2014, I will not lose weight. Not a pound. I will not work out. I will not join a gym and I will certainly not go on any crazy liquid diet which benefits no one, especially not the people who have to live through those 14 excruciating hours of deprivation with me.
  4. In 2014, I will not read books about self-improvement and journal my way to a more purposeful life. Let's face it, I'm in my 40's now and that train has left the station. 
  5. In 2014, I will not drink more water, eat less red meat nor consume more leafy green vegetables.  I will do just the opposite and hopefully, live to tell about it.
  6. In 2014, I will not even consider joining the PTA or offer to take the lead planning a school party, but I'll always be the first to sign up for napkins or any other paper product on the party list.
  7. In 2014, I will not follow a chart that promises to keep my house clean by my devoting one hour a day to cleaning it. Instead, I'll clean the entire house in one long, hot, horrific day, while I scream at my family to help me. It'll be as excruciatingly painful as it sounds but my house will be insanely clean.
  8. In 2014, I will not put up laundry when it comes out of the dryer nor will I wash the dishes right after a meal. I'll let both pile up to the point where I will lose my mind on a weekly basis and then institute a children's chore list, that we will all promptly forget about. I will do this every single week in 2014.
  9. In 2014, I will not get a tattoo, not even a  cool Chinese symbol right over my heart to signify my unwavering commitment to the universe. This one will be a real struggle but Becky promises to help me keep it.
  10. In 2014, I will nag Brody about pretty much everything. He'll pretend not to hear me so I'll repeat myself to the point that I annoy even myself. I'll commit, however, to work on this resolution daily, so as to perfect it.

 

And when 2015 rolls around, I'll have done something I've never done before...kept every single one of my resolutions!

 

To read more of Angel and Becky's columns go to www.wilsonpost.com and hit columns.



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