Today is Saturday, August 30, 2014

Twisting among witty ways

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Im ignoring that twisted bit. I merely go where my sense of humor calls me to go. I do suffer from the plague of forbidden laughter, which strikes in solemn places, in severe ways. In other words, serious things, such as windy, overheated speeches delivered by someone pompous and perhaps in authority can reduce me to laughter, complete with shaking and tears. The more inappropriate and offensive the laughter, the harder the laugh, the harder to stop the laugh. And I am not alone in this. Ive cohorts laughing right alongside.


I do know the book Memorable Quotes from Famous Witty People by Jim Dell. Its the only one of his with which Im familiar. He has a series of these rather short, easy to enjoy books featuring Albert Camus, Ernest Hemingway, G.K. Chesterton, George Bernard Shaw, Aldous Huxley, famous German Philosophers, the Marquis de Sade (Oh, come on! Why would one read that, for heavens sake?), famous athletes, and more. That guy must cut and paste from dawn to dark.


In trying to find out something about Jim Dell, about all I discovered is that there are a lot of people named that, even on Facebook.


On Amazon.com someone named Diana J. Dell gave Memorable Quotes from Famous Witty People a five-star review with high praise. Hmmm. Diana J. Dell praises Jim Dells work. The long arm of coincidence?


The best thing to do with this book is enjoy bits of it, so here goes. I have it on my Kindle, and the two Amazon amateur reviewers, one of who is Diana J. Dell, provide favorite quotes, an even easier way to dive and dip amongst the Dell-selected waters. ? Sir Winston Churchill: He is a modest little man who has a good deal to be modest about. ? Benjamin Disraeli: There are three kinds of lies: lies, d___d lies, and statistics. ? John F. Kennedy: Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ? Stanislaw Lec: No snowflake in the avalanche ever feels responsible. ? Groucho Marx: I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book. ? H. L. Mencken: Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking. ? Dorothy Parker: Brevity is the soul of lingerie. ? Will Rogers: Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. ? Carl Sandburg:Ordering a man to write a poem is like commanding a pregnant woman to give birth to a red-headed child. ? George Bernard Shaw: The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier. ? Adlai Stevenson: An editor is someone who separates the wheat from the chaff and then prints the chaff. ? Mark Twain: It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. ? Mae West: He who hesitates is last. ? Oscar Wilde: What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.


At the beginning of the book there is a list of those included, and the quotations are arranged alphabetically by those who said or wrote them. Heres a few more I, not Diana J. Dell, found. ? Fred Allen: Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. ? Bernard Baruch: To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. ? Ambrose Bierce. Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited. ? Truman Capote: I dont care what anybody says about me as long as it isnt true. ? Monroe: Ive been on a calendar, but never on time.


ONLINE DEPARTMENT Its So Hot in Tennessee (Thanks, D.W.) The birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water comes from both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 90 F and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M. Your biggest motorcycle wreck fear is, What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death? You realize that asphalt has a liquid stage. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter. The cows are giving evaporated milk. The farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.


In the churches its so dry in Tennessee that those who baptize by immersion are sprinkling; those who sprinkle are using wet wipes; a lot of others are giving rain checks. And then we have a group praying for the wine to turn back into water!


BW (Bigtime Word) oscitant yawning, drowsy. Better than being struck by the plague of forbidden laughter.


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