So we were having dinner with friends when the topic came up about a mutual acquaintance whose daughter had given her kidney to her new husband. We all spoke at once about what a kind and loving gesture this was and how amazing that her husband was doing so well now.
My husband then turned to me and said – Would you give me your kidney? Now, believe me, my husband already knew the answer to this question but he was trying to goad me into giving the politically correct answer because we were amongst friends.
So, there I was, all eyes upon me and I said – I only have two kidneys and I can’t give either of them up…sorry.
Now – its not that I wouldn’t try to find my husband a kidney. In fact, everyone at the table agreed that I would work diligently to locate a donor. I would work the hotlines like no one else could. But my husband was fully aware that he was SOL if he was relying on me to give up a needed organ to save his life.
The next morning thinking we had had a perfectly enjoyable evening and all was well, I woke up to the smell of coffee. My husband poured me a cup and brought it to me.
As he handed it to me, he said, What’s it going to take for you to give up your kidney?
Why do you want it so bad?
I don’t want your kidney but I need to know that yours is available should the need arise.
Before my husband married me, he was aware that my driver’s license clearly stated that I was not an organ donor. We had had a long discussion about it and I told him then and there that I was taking all my parts with me.
A few years later, when we drafted our living wills, the discussion came up again. My husband tried to guilt me into giving up my organs at that time and once again I informed him that it was nothing personal but I definitely needed all my organs, at all times, even when I was dead. So over the years, this issue has weighed heavily upon him. He sees it as a serious character flaw on my part. But I am perfectly content with my decision.
Nevertheless, every so often he brings it up and tries to determine whom I consider worthy enough to receive one of my organs. It’s his way of finding out if he has finally succeeded in making my list.
Making my list, however, is hopeless for him, because to get on my list you have to meet certain criteria. You have to be 1) a blood relative, 2) near death (by my definition not yours) and 3) you must have never wronged me in any way whatsoever.
He simply doesn’t make the cut.
So, you are telling me, I’m on my death-bed needing one kidney and you would just let me die.
The thought crossed my mind to finally give in - not to actually give up the kidney – but to tell him that I would just to end his suffering. But a marriage built on a lie would be wrong. We were at cross roads. One of us needed to bend and I could see I would need to be the unselfish one in this relationship.
After much discussion, we have agreed that I will start an alternative list for people I deem “persons of interest.” So long as he meets criteria 2 and 3, he’s got a good chance of staying on the back-up list. Of course, I have reserved the right to add criteria to the back up list, without prior notice.
He has agreed to my terms. Hope springs eternal, I guess.Telling Tales
Angel Kane and Becky Andrews live in Wilson County. This is their story (or tale) about their life, families and times that they share. Besides their weekly column Telling Tales Angel and Becky Co Founded Wilson Living Magazine. The idea of developing a magazine for Wilson County first came to Becky and Angel one afternoon while they sat on her back porch watching their children play in the backyard.
They were discussing the outpouring of emails, calls and responses to their column “Telling Tales” and wanted to find a way to capture that community spirit. People were stopping them wherever they went to share their own “tales.” They suddenly realized everyone has a story to tell and many of these stories were amazing. And in that moment, Wilson Living Magazine came to life. Be sure to check out Wilson Living Magazine at www.wilsonlivingmagazine.com
You can contact Angel at firstname.lastname@example.org - You can contact Becky at email@example.com